Numb
by scarlet79
Summary: Teyla is captured by the Genii, and Team Sheppard rescues her. But her capture has had lasting effects on her, and her actions in Atlantis could jeopardize the entire expedition. Could be SHEYLA later on. Rated M for references to violence. Now COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Don't worry..."Far Away" has not been abandoned. It's just...well, this one plot bunny started nibbling on my foot, and wouldn't leave me alone. So I wrote, and this story popped out. Fun. Anyway...enjoy...Oh, and a BIG ole'_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone in this story. *sniffs*_

_Please Read & Review. It proves to my hubby that people still like my ramblings. LOL_

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><p><em>Numb<em>

_By scarlet79_

_It has been four days._

_Four days I have been locked in this filthy prison, my clothing torn to shreds, with no food or water. Not that I would want anything from my captors, even if they offered it. But if I could only taste an apple, or a bowl of my new favorite food – popcorn – I would die happily for just a bite._

_I did, however, find these few scraps of paper in my pocket, and managed to fashion a pencil out of a piece of charcoal. Perhaps writing this is only a way for me to stave off the despair that crowds its way into my heart, but so far it is helping. _

_My voice is hoarse from screaming his name, from crying for him to come and rescue me. It burns when I swallow, and I cannot get enough moisture in my mouth to soothe the pain. My saliva has dried up, as have my tears. At first, they fell from my eyes like rivers, dripping down my chin, turning my eyelids puffy. But now, no matter how hard I try, I cannot make them come. _

_Night brings only fear and madness – for that is when they come for me. They pin me down on the ground, whispering dirty, evil things in my ear until I finally block them out by recalling the stories my father used to tell me. They put their hands upon me, touching me where only love should. I try to escape them, to wrench myself from their grasp, but they are strong. I can only close my eyes and imagine that he has found me, and though I can feel my eyes stinging with tears, they will not fall. My memory of him is so strong that I can almost smell his aftershave on the musty air, and I instinctively reach out for him – but he is not there. Choking back empty sobs, I wonder if he will ever be there again, or if I will die in here, alone._

_Finally, they leave me. Slamming the door, the sound too loud in my ringing ears, they walk away. As I draw my knees up under my bruised chin, I can hear them laughing and congratulating each other. One of them grunts in pain and my head snaps up, fully expecting him – my rescuer – to be standing there. My heart drops as I see that the guard has only tripped over his own stupid feet, and I wish I had the strength to slam my fist against the dirt floor. Instead, I only close my eyes again and bury my face against my knees, praying to the Ancestors for death to come quickly._

_They have taken everything from me – my honor, my dignity, and my freedom. I am left with nothing. And yet, as empty and helpless as I feel, there is a small flicker of hope within me. My dreams are filled with images of rescue, of him finding me here, and when I wake, I find that I can face the coming day._

_Oh, but how I miss him! Each night, as I fall into my troubled, tortured slumber, I concentrate on the memory of his face. I grasp onto it like a rock in the midst of a storm, praying that it will keep me from being carried off into the waves. His smile gives me peace, assuring me that he will find me, and when I remember the touch of his hand on mine, I feel a thrill rush through me._

_As I stare out the barred window at the sinking sun, my breath hitches in my chest, for I know that my nightmare is about to begin anew._

_Footsteps begin to ring through the dim hallways, and again my heart cries out for him._

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><p>He paced worriedly inside Jumper One, his hands clenching and unclenching almost in time with the beat of his heart. His tac vest felt too tight, and he wished he could just leave it behind, as bad an idea as he knew that would be. The sound of his boots on the metal grating of the floor reminded him of a scene from a movie, but at the moment he couldn't recall just which one it was.<p>

When Rodney finally stepped inside the Jumper and saw the look on Sheppard's face, he immediately flinched away.

"Uh," Rodney stuttered, panic seeping into his voice, "I almost forgot a few things, but I got 'em. Let's...let's get going."

Wordlessly, John slid into the pilot's seat and started the Jumper. Truthfully, as angry as he was at Rodney for holding them up, he couldn't yell at him even if he wanted to. His gut was twisted into so many knots that it felt like he was being eaten up from the inside out. As a result, the best he could do in terms of speaking was one-word answers.

She'd been missing for too long. His military training told him this; Hell, even Carter told him the same thing earlier. But something in the back of John's mind also told him not to give up, that he had to go find her. She was counting on him; he knew this as strongly as he knew his own name. Last night, he dreamed that she had called out for him – actually, she had screamed his name – and it had felt so real that he had actually sat up in bed and called her name in return. In fact, it had felt so real that he had to turn on the lights in his room to convince himself that she wasn't in there with him.

Now, as he peered unseeingly at the HUD, mentally pushing the Jumper to go at her top speed, he only hoped he wouldn't be too late.

Rodney sat beside him as usual, seeing every twitch on his friend's face out of the corner of his eye. People often thought he was unobservant, but the truth was that Rodney was often only too aware of what was going on around him. For example, right now he knew that Sheppard was trying hard to swallow against a wave of despair threatening to pull him – and, quite possibly, the entire Jumper along with all its occupants – down into a fiery demise. He saw the way Sheppard's hands gripped the controls, his knuckles turning white, jaw clenched so hard his teeth ground together, and Rodney's own heart took a nose-dive into his stomach.

John Sheppard had been Rodney's friend for a long time – and for a short time, his only friend – so when Sheppard was upset, so was he. Not only that, but Rodney was friends with her, too. She was a wonderful person, always cheerful and optimistic, and she put up with Rodney when everyone else had given up.

She loved Sheppard. Rodney could tell as plainly as if it were written on her face. Rodney also knew that Sheppard loved her, but would never admit it. Rodney guessed that it was because he was too afraid that he'd mess things up, but he had nothing to worry about. He was the most perfect guy Rodney had ever known; and anyway, if there was even a small chance that he would ever mess up, she would forgive him a thousand times over. That's how great a person she was.

People also thought he was heartless, or at least, too self-absorbed to care about anyone else, but they were wrong about that, too. He cared a lot; he just never let anyone see because then, he'd have been seen as weak or whatever. So he hid behind his intelligence, relying on sarcasm and an acerbic personality to keep people from getting too close to him. Now, as Sheppard reached up to rub at the corner of his eye, Rodney realized he was really trying to keep his tears at bay, and suddenly Rodney hated the unspoken rule that said men don't cry. How else were they supposed to show they were sad? Mentally, he shrugged. He was a guy, and he didn't cry when he was sad, either. So was something wrong with him? He didn't think so.

Rodney shook off these thoughts and did the only thing he could think to do to comfort his friend – leaning over, he clapped his hand on Sheppard's shoulder and smiled when Sheppard glanced over at him in surprise.

"We'll find her," he said, his gaze compassionate, and though he was confused by the physicist's sudden change in demeanor, Sheppard only nodded silently.

Leaning back in his seat, Rodney blew out a breath and went back to work on tracing her transmitter. Though he really never believed in God, he offered up a silent prayer that what he said would come true – that they would find her.

And soon.

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><p><em>TBC...<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Numb _

_Chapter 2_

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><p><em>It has become so very cold. My hands and feet feel numb, my fingers stiff as I brush my tangled hair out of my eyes. I stopped shivering some time ago, and that concerns me. What I have learned from Jennifer tells me that I am becoming severely hypothermic; if I do not find a way to bring my body temperature up very soon, I will fall asleep and never wake again.<em>

_Thinking about this brings Kate Heightmeyer to mind. Though she died as a result of an alien presence taking over her mind, she too succumbed in her sleep. She was a good friend to me; we often talked and had lunch together on Atlantis..._

_I sigh deep in my sore chest as I think of the City of the Ancestors. It has become my home these past few years, and I love it almost as much as I do my own village. Its soaring spires, so tall and brilliant in the bright sun, always lift my spirits until I feel as if I am flying. Of course, it is also where he lives, and that thought manages to give me a bit of warmth despite the freezing cold of my cell. My eyes drift closed as I picture him coming toward me, pulling me tight against his chest and wrapping his muscular arms around me. He is so warm, and his embrace feels so safe...No! I must keep writing! I will not give up until my last breath is taken. He would be so disappointed in me if he were to come for me and I had given up. I care for him too much to treat him so._

_It is raining again, and I have discovered that if I stand on my toes and hold my tin can through the bars, I can collect enough water to satisfy my thirst for an entire day, especially if I am very careful. Last night, it was pouring very hard outside, and using the same method of collecting water, I was able to wash some of the grime from my face and arms. It felt so nice to be somewhat clean again, even though the water was so cold that it took my breath away. _

_Of course, my joy was short-lived, as They came back again last night. I do not know exactly when it was that I started to think of Them as a single being, but I do now. Their faces are blank to me, darkness where their features should be. They are not people, only shadows. Perhaps even ghosts. I laugh at that; my people have never truly believed in such things._

_I discovered last night that they know his name – they spoke it to me even as they performed their foul acts on me, and I bit down hard on my cheek to keep from retching at the sound of his good name on their lips. It sounded like a curse, like venom spewed from a viper's fangs. I hate Them – and not even for anything they have done to me. I hate Them for daring to speak his name, for thinking they had a right to do so. Had I the strength, I would tear their tongues from their very mouths for this transgression._

_My hands have begun to shake again, but I am not certain that it is a good sign. Still, it prevents me from writing, so I must stop for now. As always, I hope that he will soon find me._

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><p><em>Morning has dawned.<em>

_I am still bitterly cold, since it is now snowing outside my window._

_The snow makes me think of him, and how much I miss him. _

_I am so tired. I fear that I can not hold on much longer. I know I cannot write much longer. My hands are too numb. _

_He is so close. I can hear his voice, calling me. My name sounds sweet on his lips._

_So cold..._

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><p>"Teyla!"<p>

Sheppard rushed into the jail's main room, immediately catching a glimpse of her in the very first cell.

_She looks dead,_ his mind told him, and he cursed at it in response. Anger welled inside him as he saw the bruises on her face and arms, at the way her favorite skirt had been nearly torn in half. What had they done to her? Did he even want to know?

A Genii guard suddenly appeared in front of them, weapon drawn.

"Put down your weapons!" He ordered them.

Behind Sheppard, Major Lorne tried not to scoff too loudly. The guard was clearly outnumbered, even when a second man joined him. Ronon waited just one more moment before quickly ducking down and grabbing the man around the waist, then body-slamming him on the ground. The Genii's gun clattered away into an unused cell, and Sheppard rushed at the second guard, grasping his neck and throwing him against the wall. He heard a soft, wet sound as the guard's head hit the wall, like a coconut breaking open. As the man slipped to the ground, he left a streak of blood on the rocks. Normally, that would have made Sheppard feel guilty. Now, he felt oddly satisfied.

He spied the ring of keys on the guard's belt, and yanked them from him so hard that the leather belt-loop broke. Turning around, he beckoned to McKay. "Rodney, come help me."

As Rodney came forward, Sheppard tried one key after another, but none of them seemed to fit. His hands were quickly growing cold from the air inside the prison, and he cursed as he nearly dropped the key ring into Teyla's cell. As he worked, he took the chance to glance at her again. She was lying on the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms loosely wrapped around them. Her eyes were closed, and he had to squint hard at her to see that she was still breathing.

"Let me do it," Rodney sighed finally, plucking the keys from Sheppard's hand and tossing them away.

"What are you..." He began, but Rodney held up his hand, and he fell silent.

"Ronon?" Rodney said, and the Satedan turned around, his hands still wrapped around the guard's throat.

"Yeah?"

"May I use your gun?"

Ronon shrugged and pulled his weapon from its holster, then tossed it to Rodney. The scientist caught it easily, and Sheppard had to admit that he was impressed. Rodney wasn't usually the most dexterous person on Atlantis. Actually, now that he thought about it, McKay was probably the least dexterous person in the entire universe.

"Stand back," Rodney told him, and he took a step backward. Rodney took aim at the door, flipped the weapon's control up to the KILL setting, and sent two shots into the lock mechanism of the door. Sparks flew in every direction, then quickly winked out, and Rodney used his shoulder to slam against the door, which swung open as easily as if it had never been locked.

As Rodney handed Ronon his gun back, Sheppard rushed into Teyla's cell. He knelt down and pressed two fingers against her throat, grimacing at how cold her skin was. He didn't like the slow beat of her pulse much, either. He tried her name again, but she was unconscious, so he scooped her up in his arms. As he stood, a sheaf of papers fell to the floor, scattering in a loose pile. Puzzled, he quickly collected them and pushed them into his pockets, then stood again and immediately started for the way out of this stinking, filthy prison.

Major Lorne followed just behind him, his face anxious yet still professional. "Is she...?"

"She's breathing," Sheppard told him, "but she's freezing cold."

Lorne nodded and squeezed past him so that he was now in front. "I'll go tell Atlantis to have a med team ready."

"Thank you, Major," Sheppard said, and as Lorne nodded again and jogged ahead, Sheppard called back to Ronon, "He's dead, Ronon. Come on!"

Though his tall friend fell in line behind him, he grouched, "Not dead enough."

Sheppard couldn't help a smile at that. "Yeah, well; I don't think he ever could be."

He was just about to call Rodney's name when he glanced over his shoulder and saw him there, a grim look of determination on his face. Sheppard knew he was just as worried about the woman he carried in his arms as he was, and a strange sense of pride in his friends surged through him. Here they were, risking life and limb to save her from one of their most hated enemies, when they could just as easily have stayed behind. But not his team. He knew that no matter how hopeless things seemed, they would never give up.

After what seemed like hours, they arrived back at the Jumper. Rodney immediately pulled open a compartment and grabbed a thick, woolen blanket from inside. After a few missions gone bad, they had learned to stock the Jumper with a few other things besides the necessities of food, water, and medical kits. Now, he unfolded the blanket and waited for Sheppard to lay Teyla down on one of the benches, intending on tucking it around her.

Instead, he sat down on the bench with her on his lap and called up to Lorne, "You can fly us home, right, Major?"

Lorne nodded once. "Not a problem, sir."

"Good." He eyed Rodney, who was still standing there, the blanket held open as if it was a cape he was waiting to drape around a queen's shoulders. "She needs my body heat. Just...give it to me."

Rodney draped the blanket over them, then collapsed onto the bench across from where Sheppard sat as they headed for home. Ronon went forward to sit beside Lorne, clapping Sheppard on the shoulder as he passed by. As he gazed at Teyla, curled up against Sheppard's chest, Rodney suddenly got an idea. Jumping up, he rushed to the forward section and pushed a few buttons on the control panel. When he came back and sat down, he was grinning almost as wide as a kid at Christmas.

Sheppard gave him a lifted eyebrow. "What did you do?"

"Raised the temperature in the Jumper a few degrees. I'll raise it again in a few minutes, then a third time just before we get home. Should, ah, help raise Teyla's body temp considerably by then."

"Yeah," Sheppard agreed. "Good thinking, Rodney."

"Thanks. I just hope it helps."

"It will." Sheppard looked around at the various compartments, his eyebrows knitted together as if he were concentrating on seeing right through the panels, to the contents inside. "Are there any more blankets?"

Rodney shook his head.

"How about hot packs? I could've sworn there were a few tucked away from last time, when Stackhouse took a crew over to that ice planet."

"There were, but that was in Jumper Four, remember?"

Sheppard made a frustrated sound in his throat.

"Just...um...hold on." Rodney got up and went forward again. He murmured something to the two men up front, and Major Lorne let go of the controls just long enough to shrug out of his uniform jacket and hand it to Rodney. McKay brought it back to Sheppard, adding his own along with it. He took them gratefully and placed one on her stomach, and the other he tucked around her chest so that the warm arms of the jacket were under her armpits. The metal lip of the bench was digging into his thighs, but he ignored the pain and only shifted slightly to the side.

"How long 'til we get back?" he asked, and Lorne spoke up from the front.

"A little under fifteen minutes, Colonel."

"You call ahead for that med team?"

Lorne nodded emphatically. "I sure did, sir."

"Good." Sheppard heaved in a sigh of relief and leaned his head against the bulkhead behind him. He closed his eyes to rest a moment, but they flew open again as Teyla stirred in his arms. He watched her face, hoping to see her sparkling brown eyes at least once, but it seemed she was still too much in the grips of hypothermia to awaken. He hugged her closer, his nose buried in her hair, silently begging her to wake up.

Rodney looked away from what he considered to be a private and rather tender moment, his eyes suddenly and surprisingly blurred by tears. His chest felt tight, as if his heart were about to burst, and he bit back hard against the urge to tear the Jumper apart, piece by piece. The sweetest woman in the world was pretty much freezing to death in front of him, and he was helpless to stop it. He never dealt well with helplessness, it went contrary to every grain in his being, every little molecule that made up Dr. Meredith Rodney McKay. His body screamed at him to do _something_**, **but there was nothing to do. Not only that, but he was helpless to comfort Sheppard. There were no words that could help, nothing he could say to make him feel better. That, he thought, might be the worst part of all.

After a while, the silence became thick around them. Fidgeting in his seat, Rodney asked, "Is she warming up at all, yet?"

His face still pressed against her hair, Sheppard nodded. "I think so. Her skin doesn't feel as cold as before."

"Good. That's a good sign, right?"

"Yeah. It's good, Rodney."

Rather than go into one of his usual rambled spiels about how cold it was in Canada, Rodney merely nodded and sat back, his arms folded over his chest. It was plain to him that Sheppard didn't want to talk, and he respected that. From his calculations, they were almost home, anyway.

"Just another minute, sir," Lorne called from the pilot's chair then, and Rodney beamed proudly. He'd been right again. _As if there'd been any doubt_, he scoffed to himself.

Sheppard nodded, though his eyes were still closed. "Great. Good job, Major."

Another minute, and he'd be back in Atlantis.

And, finally, so would she.

Whispering into her ear, he said, "Hang on, Teyla. We're almost home."

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><p><em>TBC...<em>


	3. Chapter 3

_Numb _

_Chapter 3_

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><p>Sheppard had refused to let anyone take Teyla from his arms, not even to lay her on the gurney the med team had brought with them. Instead, he had insisted on carrying her all the way from the Jumper bay to the infirmary, the blanket still wrapped around her, a corner of it dangerously close to tripping him as it brushed against the floor. Likewise, the entire team followed behind him, though Major Lorne was forced to slow down a little in order to fill Colonel Carter in on the details as they went.<p>

Jennifer Keller burst through the doors of the infirmary first, and John subconsciously turned sideways in order to keep the swinging doors from hitting Teyla, even though Keller's team had already moved in to hold them open for him. Only when he was standing in front of an empty hospital bed, with Rodney holding a pile of borrowed blankets in his arms and waiting patiently beside him, did he finally let Teyla out of his grasp. Laying her carefully on the sheets (which he thought were too cold), he took a blanket from Rodney and snapped it open, then settled it lightly over her still form. Rodney followed this with a second blanket – the comforter from his own bed – cautiously tucking it around her neck and shoulders.

"Okay you two," Keller said quietly, lightly touching Sheppard's shoulder, "let me help her, now."

Sheppard nodded wearily and stepped back, nearly tripping over a nearby chair. Kicking at it angrily, he took up a space near the waiting area instead, his feet pacing from one end to the other even as his mind raced.

"John," Carter's voice broke into his thoughts, and he lifted his eyes to hers. He wore his most pitiful "puppy-dog" expression on his face, the corners of his mouth turned down as far as they could go. Seeing him this way pushed her into what her friend Daniel Jackson called her "Big Sister Mode", and she wrapped her arms around him, her chin resting on his shoulder. "She'll be okay," she told him, believing it herself even as she spoke. "She's a strong woman."

Still too upset to say much, he managed to reply, "I know."

When she stepped back from him, her eyes found Jennifer's, and she said, "Keep me updated, okay?"

"Of course," Keller replied with a nod. Then, to Sheppard, she said, "You should go and get some rest. I can do your post-mission later."

He shook his head. "I'll stay."

"Are you sure, John?" Carter asked, her blue eyes filled with concern. "You've been up over 48 hours so far..."

"I'm sure," he cut her off.

She moved to say more, but his frown deepened, and she quickly snapped her mouth shut.

"I will not let her out of my sight until I'm certain that she's okay. If I'm not here and she..." he swallowed, unable to finish that particular line of thought. "I'm not gonna lose her a second time, Sam."

Understanding, Carter gave him a nod. "Okay. You can grab some sleep in here, at least."

Catching the undercurrent of a command in her reply, he nodded in return. "I'll commandeer the bed next to Teyla's as soon as Keller and her team clears out."

"Good thinking." Carter smiled. "I'll be in my office if you need me."

He nodded again. "Thank you, Colonel."

She left the infirmary, followed by Major Lorne, who told the group that since Teyla was in good hands, he was going to get some sleep. Sheppard let him go, knowing how tired his second-in-command was. He watched the pack of medical personnel working around Teyla's bed, and as soon as he found a gap wide enough, he slipped through them, coming to stand between her IV drip and the wall. Keller shot him a warning look, but said nothing. She knew Sheppard well enough to know that he needed to be close to his team, especially when they were in trouble, and it was that reason alone that she let him stay. The team finished up a few minutes later, and soon only Keller herself stood at the end of the bed.

"How is she?" Sheppard asked her, and she blew a strand of strawberry-blond hair out of her eyes and shrugged.

"She's okay. She should wake up pretty soon, now that her body temp is up around normal."

His eyes trained on Teyla's sleeping face, he said, "Rodney raised the Jumper's heat a little at a time to help warm her up. And we wrapped her and me up in a blanket together." A little more softly, he added, "Her skin was so cold."

Keller nodded. "You all did a very good job, Colonel. She was in moderate hypothermia when you found her. Another hour or so and she might not have made it."

"How long're you gonna keep her here?"

"A few days, probably. Just to be sure there's no lasting tissue damage." She glanced over at the bed beside Teyla's, then looked meaningfully back at him. "You should lie down now."

"But I'm not tired..." he began, stopping abruptly when her gaze turned hard.

"I said lie down, not sleep. Besides, you promised Sam." She pointed at the empty bed. "Go."

He tried the puppy-dog eyes on her, but it failed miserably. Defeated, he cautiously ducked around the IV pole and slunk onto the bed Keller had indicated. She spread a spare blanket over him and gave him a smile.

"It's only for a while," she told him.

"It better be," he growled, though his eyes had begun to itch with fatigue.

"I would watch your tone," she said playfully. "I know where the sedatives are."

He gave his lopsided grin. "Point taken." His eyes drifted closed, and he had almost fallen asleep when he suddenly jerked wide awake again. Bolting upright, he caught hold of Keller's lab coat just before she stepped out of reach, and she jumped and spun toward him in surprise.

"You'll wake me if she wakes up, right?" he asked, and she nodded quickly.

"Of course. Now, get some rest."

Nodding, his eyes blinking frustratingly slowly, he lay back down against the pillow. He was dead to the world in less than a minute.

* * *

><p>Sheppard snapped awake at the sound of someone crying. Though he was disoriented, unsure of just where he was, he got out of bed and moved to stand beside Teyla's bed. Her head was turned in to the pillow, as if she were trying to muffle her sobs, and her hands clutched fistfuls of the blankets. Cautiously, he bent down until his face was inches from hers.<p>

Softly, he called, "Teyla?"

At the sound of his voice, she slowly turned her head until one of her eyes was clear of the pillow. "John?"

"That's me," he said with a nod.

She blinked, and a tear ran down the side of her nose. "I did not mean to wake you."

"You didn't," he lied. "I was just keeping my eyes closed so Keller would think I was asleep."

She shook her head in disbelief, but said nothing. He inched closer and put his hand on her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Sniffling, she pushed herself up and turned over so she could see him with both eyes. He only just succeeded in keeping himself from wincing at the bruise around her left eye, and moved to sit on the side of her bed.

"Do you need Keller to give you more painkillers?"

She shook her head. "No, thank you, John."

"Well, then what's the matter?"

She took a breath to consider her words carefully before she spoke. "Nothing is wrong. It is just that when I awoke, you were the first thing I saw, and I was just so glad to be home..."

"That your emotions ran away from you," he finished for her, and she nodded.

"Exactly."

He reached down and patted her hand. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm really glad to see you awake again. You were on the edge there for a while."

"And he was nearly dead on his feet," Keller put in as she passed by them, smiling at her patient. "He wouldn't leave your side until you woke up."

"Really?" Teyla asked him.

Suddenly very uncomfortable, Sheppard blushed. "Yeah. But I would've done the same for anyone on my team."

Giving Keller a knowing smile, she replied, "Of course."

Just then, he remembered the papers he'd found, and pulled them out of his pants pocket. As he set them on her lap, he explained, "I found these when I carried you out of the prison cell. Figured you might want 'em back."

Her whole body froze as she saw her own familiar handwriting, and without looking up at him, she asked, "Did you read them?"

Frowning, he said, "No. I just shoved them in my pocket. In fact, I completely forgot about them, until now."

"Oh."

Her eyes were glued to the pages, and her sudden change in demeanor puzzled Sheppard. He took her hand in his, careful not to pull on her IV line.

"Teyla," he said softly, and she finally lifted her gaze to his face. "I may be really clueless sometimes, but I'm not completely stupid; I've been held against my will before, too. I already guessed that those papers – whatever they are – are private, and that if you wanted anyone to read them, you'd give them to that person yourself."

"I was afraid you would never find me," she whispered, carefully folding the papers in half and setting them on the nearby table.

Unsure of what to say, Sheppard simply squeezed her fingers, smiling when she squeezed back. Teyla blinked slowly a few times, her hand covering her mouth as she yawned, and he took that as his cue to leave.

"You should get some more sleep," he told her as he stood up. "You've had a rough couple of days."

She nodded and wriggled down under the covers. "That sounds like a good idea. Thank you, John."

He moved to walk away, but she pulled him back with the hand still twined with his. A question – and something else she would rather not explore right then – was in his eyes, and her mouth felt suddenly dry. Licking her lips, she said, "Please tell the others 'thank you' for me."

"Sure," he agreed. "But I have a feeling that they'll all be in here at one time or another, so you can tell 'em yourself."

Again, he started away, and again she tugged on his hand. "John," she said, her voice at once desperate, pleading. When she realized how she sounded, she dropped her gaze and let go of his hand, afraid that he would think she was being childish. Sheppard merely sat down beside her again and waited patiently, his expression as neutral as he could possibly make it. He'd had an idea of what she had been through, but as he hadn't spoken to either her or Keller, he couldn't be one hundred percent sure. And while Keller would feel obligated to give him a full report, because he was the military commander on base, there was no such guarantee that Teyla would do the same, and that was completely understandable in his eyes. Still, he needed to know what kind of trauma she had endured, so that they could properly handle any potential fallout from it.

The silence stretched out a little further, and then, softly, she began to speak. "They grabbed me in the forest, while I was out collecting some food for breakfast. I tried to call out for you, but they injected me with some sort of drug, something that put me to sleep. I remember them dragging me through the Stargate, and then I must have fallen completely unconscious; the next thing I knew, I was in the prison cell you found me in. At first, they only said that I was being held for ransom, but after the first night, I knew that was not true."

"Why's that?" He asked, at once almost afraid to hear her answer.

"Because if they were planning on returning me, they would not have treated me so poorly. They would know that you – the people of Atlantis – would not take kindly to my black eye or bruises on my arms and legs. And they would surely know how you would feel about what they did to me after that."

Her eyes filled with shameful tears, and even though she had not yet explained what she meant, he felt his chest tighten in anger. No one made a woman cry and expected to get away with it, not when John Sheppard was involved.

"It's okay," he murmured, gently rubbing circles on her blanket-covered leg. "You don't have to talk about it. It's okay."

She shook her head, defiantly wiping away her tears. "No. I _should_ tell you. I..."

"Listen," he interjected, leaning just a little closer to her, "we don't have to do this now. Why don't we wait until you're out of the infirmary and feeling better?"

Teyla stared at him, confused. A moment ago, he had wanted to hear what she had to say, and now he was basically telling her to be quiet. Why could he not see that she _needed_ to talk about it? That she needed someone to...to what? To sympathize with her? John could never understand what she went through, what she was feeling right now.

Finally, she nodded. "Very well."

"Rest up, and I'll come spring you from here as soon as Keller gives the word."

Her lips curved into a smile at that. She knew how much he hated the infirmary; apparently he thought she did, as well. At that moment, she could see no harm in letting him think so.

As he stood up, she said, "That would be lovely."

He stayed beside her bed for a moment, then slowly bent down and pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes closed. "Glad you're back," he whispered.

Teyla quickly closed her eyes to keep the tears from forming, and whispered back, "As am I."

He was gone before her eyes fluttered open again. She shuddered out a breath and turned onto her side, pulling the covers back over her shoulders. Then, she remembered the papers still laying on the bedside table and reached for them. Tucking them under the pillow, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

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><p><em>TBC...<em>


	4. Chapter 4

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_Chapter 4_

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><p>Teyla strode into the Gate room, buckling her tac vest as she went. When she stopped beside Sheppard, he glanced down at her and gave her a smile.<p>

"You sure 'bout this? You could sit this one out, if you want."

Though she knew she was far from ready to go on this mission, she returned the smile. "I am sure. Besides, this is merely a trading mission between established allies. It will be, as you call it, a 'piece of cake'."

"Somebody mention cake?" Rodney suddenly asked then, from Sheppard's other side, and Teyla shook her head, chuckling. "I didn't get much for breakfast, you know."

"No cake, Rodney," Sheppard told him. "Sorry."

"Figures," Rodney huffed, instinctively shifting away from Ronon as he came to stand with the others. The Satedan noticed Rodney's reaction, and decided to slap him heartily on the back anyway. Sheppard bit his lip to keep from laughing as his friend shot Ronon a death-glare, and then waved to Chuck up at the Gate's controls.

"We're all set," he called up, and Chuck nodded.

"Shield is down."

"Be careful, John," Carter called from where she stood, at the railing in front of her office. He gave her a jaunty wave in return.

"Okay," he said to the team. "Let's get a move on."

They stepped through the Gate together, as usual, and emerged on the other side – onto a fairly warm, sunny day. The breeze was cool, though, and Sheppard decided that if it stayed this way for the entire year, as Rodney told them it did, he wouldn't mind retiring here someday. He turned around to make a comment to Teyla, and noticed that she looked completely pale and shaky.

"Teyla?" he asked, concern etching lines in his face. Stepping over to her and taking her hands, he led her to a large rock where she could sit down, then knelt in front of her. "Are you okay?"

Her eyes closed, she took a few deep breaths before she said, "I will be. I just need a moment."

"What's wrong?"

"My stomach is very upset, and my chest feels tight..."

"You're having a panic attack," Rodney said as he joined them. "Used to happen to me all the time when I was younger. Especially right before a piano recital. God, those concerts were hell on..."

Sheppard rolled his eyes and muttered, "Rodney."

"Yep?"

"Not helping."

"Was I rambling again?" Rodney asked, his eyes wide, and Sheppard nodded. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'll...um...I'll be over there." He pointed in a general direction and then wandered away, leaving Teyla and Sheppard alone. Ronon was still a few dozen feet away from them, keeping watch for the men they were supposed to meet up with.

Sheppard kept his eyes trained on Teyla's face. "Keep taking slow, deep breaths, okay?"

She nodded and followed his instructions. After a few minutes, her heart slowed down, and the color began to return to her cheeks.

"Feeling better?" He asked her.

"A little." She frowned deeply, frustration evident in her eyes. "Perhaps I am not ready for this, after all."

He shrugged. "Wouldn't have known if you hadn't tried. Do you want me to dial up Atlantis and send you back?"

Teyla shook her head. "No. I believe I will be fine, now."

"You sure?"

"Yes," she replied, giving him a grateful smile. She appreciated his concern, as well as his trust in her judgment.

"Good," he said, standing up straight, "because here comes our guy."

She turned to look in the direction he indicated, and saw a tall, thin man approaching them. Though he was still a way off, she gestured for Sheppard to help her stand. He reached down and took her hand, carefully pulling her up until she was on her feet. She gave him a grateful smile and greeted the man. "Thaeden! It is good to see you again!"

The man lifted his hand in return. "Teyla Emmagen! You are looking well."

From behind Sheppard, Rodney scoffed. "What is he, blind?"

Turning to catch his gaze with the corner of her eye, Teyla said, "It is a customary greeting, Rodney. The person may be as far as on their death bed, and yet the greeting is the same. Besides," she added, frowning slightly, "I do not look _that_ bad."

"No, you don't," Sheppard pitched in helpfully, and her smile returned.

"Thank you," she replied.

Thaeden finally reached them, and grasped Teyla's arm in greeting.

"It has been too long, my friend," Teyla said, and Thaeden nodded.

"Too true."

Teyla gestured to each member in the team as she said, "Thaeden, you remember my friends John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, and Ronon Dex."

Thaeden smiled and took each man's arm in turn. "Yes, of course I do. You have been good to Teyla and her people these few years since the Wraith awakened."

"She's a valuable member of my team," Sheppard replied. "And a very good friend, as well."

"Are you feeling well, Teyla?" Thaeden asked, just then noticing the pallor of her face. Teyla gave a nervous smile in return.

"Yes, I am fine. I just had a rough time through the Stargate, that is all."

The man watched her for a moment, then returned his gaze to Sheppard. "Well, if you will all follow me, we can show you our latest crops and work out an agreement."

Sheppard nodded enthusiastically. "Lead the way."

As Thaeden escorted them to the village, Sheppard slowed to walk beside Teyla. "I know I'm probably gonna get hit for this, but are you sure you're okay? You still look a little pale."

Rather than hauling off and punching him, Teyla just shook her head. "I am sure, John. I was simply caught off guard at how deeply the trip through the gate affected me. I felt fine before we went through, but it was only after I stepped through that I started to panic."

Sheppard nodded. "Okay. But when we get back, I want you to see Keller, just to be sure."

"I will."

"You know you don't have to prove anything to us. We would've understood if you stayed home. I don't want you putting yourself at risk just to prove you're okay, especially if you're not."

"I wasn't trying to prove it to you. I was trying to prove it to myself. If I did not go through the gate, it would mean that my fear got the better of me. It would also have meant that I might never again step through, and I could not bear that."

He shook his head. "You don't know that, Teyla. It might have taken a little longer..."

Irked at his dismissal of her feelings, she rounded on him. "Why do you act as though you know my mind better than I? As if you know what I would do, when I myself am quite certain?"

"I don't. I'm just saying that I know you enough to know that you wouldn't dream of quitting the team because of a few panic attacks. I know that you believe that the threat of the Wraith is too big to just sit back and let them keep on destroying planet after planet."

"That is true. But those few minutes ago, when I felt my heart nearly exploding out of my chest, the Wraith were the furthest thing from my mind. The only thoughts I could muster were those of helplessness, of needing a steadying hand, and thankfully, you were there. Next time, there might not be anyone there to help."

From up ahead, Rodney's voice called out, "Hey! You two feel like joining the party anytime soon? We're almost to the village."

Biting back a scathing remark, Sheppard looked up at Rodney and nodded. "We're comin', Rodney."

As they quickened their pace to catch up with the others, Sheppard glanced at Teyla. "If you start feeling bad again, you let me know right away, okay?"

"Of course, John," she replied.

He nodded. "Good."

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><p><em>TBC...<em>


	5. Chapter 5

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_Chapter 5_

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><p>Sheppard walked to Teyla's door and sounded the chime, then clasped his hands behind his back and stood, waiting. After a full minute, however, he got nervous, and chimed again. When there was still no noise from within, he waved his hand over the controls, and the door slid open, unlocked.<p>

"Teyla?" He called into the darkness just beyond the door. Silence returned to him, and the clenching in his gut squeezed a little tighter. After her panic attack, Teyla had been true to her word and had gone to see Keller, who had diagnosed her with a mild case of acute stress disorder, or as Rodney had put it – "PTSD Lite" – and gave her a few relaxation techniques to try on top of her usual meditation rituals. She had promised to try them, and Sheppard had offered to be there the first time in case something went wrong. It was why he was here now, standing at her door and trying to keep from freaking out.

Slowly, he stepped into her room, noting the broken shards of her flower vase scattered near the wall, the roses that had stood inside it now wilting in a puddle of water on the floor. He had given her those flowers while she had been recovering from her ordeal with the Genii; she had smiled brightly at him as she thanked him, telling him how much she was looking forward to having something beautiful to look at as she healed.

Now, he carefully avoided the glass as he moved further into the room, his eyes roaming over every item as he searched for her. Just then did he notice the state of disarray her entire room was in – as if a whirlwind had touched down within it and then just as suddenly disappeared again. Sheppard began to panic, extremely close to his breaking point as he saw the bathroom door sitting open just a crack. Rushing forward through the mess of papers and scattered belongings, he burst into the bathroom, shouting her name at the top of his lungs.

He slid to a stop as he found her there, looking very much as she had when they had rescued her. She was dressed in her sleeping clothes – an emerald-green tank top and black jersey shorts, the ones Rodney's sister had brought on her last visit to Atlantis – and curled up in the far corner of the bathroom, on her side with her knees tucked up to her chin. Her arms were wrapped around her legs, and goose bumps stood out on her bare skin. She had her face buried against her knees, her hair forming a curtain that effectively shut her away from the rest of the world.

Instantly going to his knees, he reached down to feel her pulse, and she suddenly flailed out at him, a feral-sounding scream tearing from her throat. Surprised, at first he leaned back on his heels, unsure of what to do. Then, he wordlessly stood up and went into the main room, returning with a warm Athosian blanket. Dropping to his knees again, he tried to wrap the blanket around her, but she screamed and lashed out again. He thought of calling Ronon for help, but quickly discarded the idea. She was clearly terrified of something; having Ronon's large frame looming over her could not possibly help matters any.

"Teyla," he tried again, and his voice seemed to calm her somewhat. She stopped screaming, at least, and even allowed him to settle the blanket over her shoulders. But when he grasped her arm to pull her toward him, she recoiled, plastering herself as far into the corner as she could.

Thinking fast, Sheppard waited until she was calm again, her breathing no longer ragged and fast. Then, he quickly darted forward and grabbed her up in his arms, moving so fast that she had no time to react. He stood up with her still in his grasp and stalked out of the bathroom, skirting around a pile of clothes to set her on her bed. She stayed in exactly the same position he put her, her facial features never moving. If he didn't know better, he would have thought that she was in some kind of coma – awake, but not.

Sighing heavily, he looked around again, and spied a familiar-looking stack of papers near his feet. He retrieved them from off the floor and sat on the corner of her bed, at once recognizing Teyla's own flowery handwriting.

"_It has been four days. Four days I have been locked in this filthy prison, my clothing torn to shreds..."_

Sheppard closed his eyes, a wave of guilt riding over him. She had waited for four days for rescue, four days where she was completely alone, without his protection. Even as he knew he should lay the papers aside, that he should not read them, he found himself going further. As he read, his emotions became jumbled, and more than once he felt the sting of tears in his eyes, a sting that he felt he fully deserved.

"_Oh, but how I miss him! Each night, as I fall into my troubled, tortured slumber, I concentrate on the memory of his face. I grasp onto it like a rock in the midst of a storm, praying that it will keep me from being carried off into the waves. His smile gives me peace, assuring me that he will find me, and when I remember the touch of his hand on mine, I feel a thrill rush through me."_

_Who was she talking about? _he wondered then, and then shook himself to clear his thoughts. That part wasn't important right curious as he was, he forced himself to concentrate on reading the rest of her account. He had finally come to the last page, now reading her words aloud in a soft murmuring voice.

"_Morning has dawned. __I am still bitterly cold, since it is now snowing outside my window. The snow makes me think of him, and how much I miss him. I am so tired. I fear that I can not hold on much longer. I know I cannot write much longer. My hands are too numb. He is so close. I can hear his voice, calling me. My name sounds sweet on his lips...__"_

He saw the last two words there on the page, but the thick lump in his throat would not let him repeat them. She was in love with someone here, on Atlantis, so much so that her last thoughts had been of him. Setting the papers on the bed beside him, he turned to gaze at her still form, wanting desperately to ask her who it was she spoke of, as well as to apologize for not being there sooner. He was just about to call for Keller when Teyla spoke, her voice as empty as her eyes had been when he had carried her out of the bathroom.

"I was so cold. The snow blew in and swirled around me. My hands were numb."

Tentatively, Sheppard reached out and laid his hand on her shoulder, and this time she did not pull away.

"They..." she swallowed thickly and began again. "They hurt me. They stole my honor."

Only now did he speak. "I know," he said gently.

"I wanted to kill them, especially the dark-haired one. He was the worst of the two. But I did not have the strength."

"I know," he said again.

Tears began to fall from her eyes, and the tip of her nose reddened slightly. "I did not wish for you to find me that way. I thought it would be better if I were dead."

A piercing sadness dug into him at that, and though he was usually uncomfortable with having someone so close to his personal space, he lay down on her bed so that he was facing her, his hand still covering her shoulder. "Don't say that, Teyla," he quietly said, his hazel eyes staring into her brown ones. "No one's better off with you dead. Never."

The tears fell faster, and she suddenly sobbed, "But I feel so much shame!"

Knowing that she needed a comforting touch, he gently tugged her closer and wrapped his arms around her thin frame, feeling her entire body shudder as she cried. "But why?" he asked her. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Her voice was muffled against his chest as she answered him between sobs. "I should have...tried to escape. I should not have allowed them...to...to touch me...as they did."

"Teyla, look at me," he gently urged her, and she did as he asked, her eyes blurred by tears. "It was not your fault. The Genii are the ones who were bad. Don't blame yourself for what they did."

"But..."

"No!" Sheppard cried, a little too sharply even for himself. Wincing, he took a breath and tried again. "Don't do this, please. You were there against your will. Nothing you could have done would have changed that."

She fell silent then, once more dropping her head to press it against his chest. He rubbed his hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her. In doing so, he soothed himself almost to sleep. His eyes flew open again just as she called his name.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"On your world, if a woman is..." she paused to search for a more delicate word than the one she originally thought of, "violated, is she considered...ruined?"

He thought for a moment before answering. "By some, I guess. There's always people who blame the victim for something done to them, instead of putting the blame where it's due. But mostly, no, she's not...ruined." He frowned as he used the word she had supplied.

She blinked and looked up at him. "Oh."

"Why?" He asked, then mentally kicked himself as he figured everything out. "Did you think we'd see you as less of a woman because of what happened? That we'd suddenly treat you worse or something?"

Too embarrassed to speak, she simply nodded.

"Ohhh, Teyla," he groaned before hugging her close again. "That could never happen! We may have our issues, but treating a woman like dirt because some sleazeball put his hands on her isn't one of them. Not while I'm around, anyway."

Satisfied with his reply, Teyla breathed out a sigh. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Sheppard asked, "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Yes."

"You sure? I'm sure there's someone here you could talk to if you wanted. Keller, maybe?"

She sat up and gave him a small grin. "I am sure."

He nodded and then glanced around at the room. Lifting an eyebrow, he asked, "Did you do all this?"

Her grin turned sheepish. "I am afraid so. I was so angry, I lost my temper." As she noticed her broken vase, her face grew serious, and she said, "I am sorry about your flowers, though. They were very beautiful."

He shrugged. "It's okay. I can always get you more."

Just then, his earpiece crackled, and Chuck's voice said, "Colonel Sheppard? You're needed in the conference room."

"Understood. Be there in five." He clicked off, stood up, and then turned back to Teyla. "You want me to stay and help clean up?"

She shook her head. "I will be fine. Besides, you are needed elsewhere."

"It can wait," he said. "I'm not the only Colonel in this place, you know."

"John," she sighed, "do you really wish to help me, or do you really want to keep an eye on me, to make sure I do not do anything...dangerous?"

When he did not reply, she sighed again and said, "I promise you, I will be fine. Now, go to your meeting, and I will meet you for lunch at our usual table."

"You better," he warned her, his eyes serious. "And if you ever scare me like that again, I..." _What?_ His mind asked. _What would you do to her? And how would threatening her make you any better than the scum that hurt her?_ Dropping his gaze, he stuttered, "Well...just...don't ever scare me like that again."

"I will try my best."

After another moment's pause where he considered telling Carter he was busy and to start the meeting without him, he turned on his heel and left Teyla's room.

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><p><em>TBC...<em>


	6. Chapter 6

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_Chapter 6_

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><p>Sheppard sat bolt upright in bed as a voice came over his room's intercom.<p>

"Colonel Sheppard, please go to the hallway on Level 3."

Still unused to the fact that someone could potentially hear whatever was going on in his room anytime they wanted, he glanced up at the ceiling and asked, "What's going on?"

"Don't know, sir," Chuck replied. "Just got a report of a problem there."

"On my way." After a moment's silence where he again wondered if someone was still there, listening, Sheppard hopped out of bed and tugged on his pants and shirt. As he passed the chair to his desk, he grabbed his jacket, then had to turn back to his bedside table to grab his radio. Glancing down at his watch, he muttered a curse as he saw that it was nearing early morning, and then rushed out to the hallway. He pounded down the two flights of stairs to Level 3 in record time, his mind running through the myriad of possibilities of what he would find once he got there. As usual, it tried to go to the worst things first, but he refused to let it. Pessimism was Rodney's MO, not his.

"Colonel Sheppard," Keller's voice made it to him first, before he caught sight of her coming toward him. Her face made it clear that she was not happy to be up at this early hour, either. But there was something else...

"What's going on?" He asked her, his heart pounding in his chest.

"I think you should see for yourself." With that, she led the way around the corner, and he hesitantly followed her. He could hear the sounds of a fight, and from what he could figure, someone was beating the crap out of someone else.

Sheppard pushed a taller Marine out of his way, then froze as he saw the two people engaged in the fight. Well, he wasn't all that surprised at Kavanagh – the guy was more trouble than he was worth – but the other person, the one who had just landed a hard punch to Kavanagh's right cheek...well, that was another story.

Rushing forward, Sheppard grabbed Teyla around the waist and yanked her backward, and Keller took the opportunity to drop to her knees beside Kavanagh, her stethoscope already stuffed into her ears. Teyla tried to slip out of John's grasp, her fingers digging into his arms as she tried to pry him off of her, but though he winced and bit back a curse as her nails scratched him, he refused to release her.

"Let me go!" She shouted, her heels now joining in the attempt to free herself. Sheppard responded by squeezing tighter and leaning farther backward, lifting her off her feet so that all her weight was resting against him.

"Stop fighting me!" He shouted back.

"No! Let go!"

"Forget it. I'm not letting you go, so just stop!"

She shook her head, so intent on escaping him that she could not spare a breath to speak.

He glanced at the group of people surrounding them, especially the Marines. "Why didn't you stop her?"

"She...well, she threatened to kill anyone who intervened, sir."

He opened his mouth to give them the dressing-down of their lives, but then realized that with the way she was fighting him, she just might have gone through with that threat. Instead, he shook his head and scowled darkly at them.

Still trying to keep Teyla in his grasp, he dragged her farther away from Kavanaugh and asked, "What do you think you're doing, Teyla?"

For a moment, she stopped struggling, her hands resting where they were on his arms. Sheppard let her back down on her feet, as her weight was crushing his lungs against his ribs, making it hard for him to breathe. With as much venom as she could muster, she said, "Doctor Kavanagh made a very disparaging remark to me. I felt it only fair to point out how wrong he was."

Sheppard heaved in a sigh, then gasped as Teyla took another shot at escaping; quickly turning to the side, she tried to twist his arm into an unnatural – and painful – angle. He reacted faster than she had anticipated, letting go of her just long enough to find a better grip. His left hand grasped her right wrist, while his right arm hooked under her right shoulder and then wrapped over her left arm, effectively pinning her against him. He was somewhat concerned about that, as most days she would have him flat on his back in a matter of moments. The fact that he had pinned her so easily actually worried him. A lot.

Turning to the side to keep Teyla as far from Kavanagh as he could, Sheppard stared down at the man, his dark eyebrows knitted together.

"What did you say about her?" He asked.

Kavanagh wiped a hand across his bloody mouth, then smeared it on his pants. "Nothing."

"Kavanagh..." Sheppard warned him, but the man only shrugged.

"I didn't say anything about her."

Now Sheppard also felt like punching the scientist, who still sat on the floor. Luckily, Teyla's growled explanation saved him from another fight.

"What he said was about _you_, John."

Okay, so maybe Kavanagh wasn't safe quite yet.

He turned again, so that his back was to the bleeding scientist, and leaned his head down enough to speak close to Teyla's ear. "Are you done fighting?"

She nodded, and a few strands of her hair stuck to his lips as she moved. He slowly released his grip on her wrist to brush them away.

"Okay," he cautiously agreed. He set her down again, and she spun around to face him. Crooking a warning finger at her, he said, "Stay right there."

"All right," she replied, her arms crossed loosely over her chest.

Sheppard turned around once more, and found that Kavanagh was now back on his feet. His angry glare still on his face, he said, "Now. What, exactly, did you say about me, Kavanagh?"

Now that he was face-to-face with Sheppard, Kavanagh felt intimidated for maybe the second time in his life – the first time being when Ronon had confronted him for information, and he'd simply fainted in response. His gaze shifting to the floor, he stuttered, "Uh, well...I mean...you have to understand the context..."

"Spit it out, Kavanagh!" Sheppard shouted, and the scientist flinched, but immediately complied.

"I said that the military – and you – were so incompetent, it's a wonder Teyla got found in four days, and not four years."

Sheppard let what he said sink in for a moment. Everyone who stood nearby watched, holding their breath as his expression jumped from intense anger, to guilt, and then finally – surprisingly – to amusement. A collective exhale sounded through the corridors as the colonel managed a small smile.

"Well, then," he said, folding his own arms over his chest. "I guess it's a good thing it was Teyla you said that to, and not me. She just beat the living crap out of you. I would've killed you and tossed your body over the balcony. I've had pretty much all I can take of you, Doctor. Effectively immediately, you are no longer welcome in Atlantis."

Turning around, he caught sight of Lorne, who had arrived some time ago. With a jerk of his head, Sheppard muttered, "Get him off my base right now. And get all that blood cleaned up."

"Yes, sir," Lorne nodded, stepping forward to carry out the command.

"And you," Sheppard said, pointing at Teyla. "We need to have a talk."

She nodded, and at least had the grace to look guilty. "Very well."

"You can't do this!" Kavanagh shouted. "You don't have the authority to kick me out!"

"He actually does," Carter's voice said from down the hall. Everyone turned as she appeared before them, a bemused grin on her face. She gave a slight nod to Sheppard, who returned it, and then glanced at Kavanagh. "And even if he didn't, I do. And I happen to agree with Colonel Sheppard. When the Daedalus leaves after dropping our supplies tomorrow, she'll have one more crew member on board."

"That'd be you," Sheppard added, leaning in close to Kavanagh's face. Peering over the top of the scientist's head, he caught Carter's eye. "Thanks for joining the party. I've got some things to attend to, so if you could handle things here..."

Understanding his meaning, Carter nodded. "Of course."

With another nod, he stood up and faced Teyla. The furrowed brow had returned, she noticed, as had the clipped tone of his voice. "Your quarters, right now."

Teyla silently led the way to her room, and he just as quietly followed her.

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><p><em>TBC...<em>


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: First, let me warn you - you're gonna see a LOT more SGA fics from me in the coming weeks (or months), because I finally got the Christmas present to top them all - The COMPLETE SGA Series on DVD, along with bonus features! YAY!_

_So, next chapter! Whee! As always, enjoy and please, R&R!_

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><p><em>Numb<em>

_Chapter 7_

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><p>When they were safely enclosed in her quarters, Sheppard began pacing, his hand in his hair. Teyla nervously sat on the edge of her bed, her hands folded in her lap. She knew that he was, to put it mildly, seriously pissed. She also knew that there was nothing she could say to keep it from happening. She simply had to wait and pray that he would calm down on his own.<p>

Finally, he whirled around to face her, his hazel eyes stormy. "You're driving me crazy, you know that?"

"I..."

"What the hell did you think you were gonna accomplish out there? Did you think beating him to a pulp would change his mind? Do you even know what a huge mess you've made with this?"

"I did not..."

He resumed pacing. "It's not like Kavanagh's gonna go quietly, either. He's sure to meet with the IOA, or whoever he can, and because he's such a sniveling little dirt bag, and has been documenting everything that's happened here for the last _four_ _years_, they'll wanna come out and see for themselves just what's going on. Which means interrogations and accusations...they'll probably find a great opportunity in this to replace Carter..."

He stopped and glared at her again. "Damn it, Teyla! You've caused a nightmare, here!"

As he caught his breath, she quietly said, "I am sorry. I never meant for this to happen."

His eyes narrowed. "You never meant...what did you think was gonna happen?" He shouted, and despite all her warrior training, all her experience with the Wraith, she flinched away from him.

Frowning at herself, she straightened up and gazed back into his eyes. "I do not know. When he said those horrible things to me, I just got so angry. I suddenly wanted to see him in much pain."

"In pain, huh?" She nodded. "You did more than that. If no one had stepped in, you would've _killed_ him!"

For an instant, her lip curled in disgust, and he thought that maybe she had been hoping for that outcome all along. Then, the look disappeared, replaced by her usual serene expression.

He sighed, feeling his anger dissipate. As his adrenaline faded along with it, he sat down heavily beside her. "You can't go around beating people up because they say mean things, Teyla."

"I know. And I am sorry. I just could not stand to hear him speak of you that way. It reminded me of..." Suddenly, her eyes went wide, and she pursed her lips together, her mouth a tight line.

Curious, Sheppard's eyebrow shot up, and he tilted his head to the side. "Of what?"

"Nothing," she replied quickly. "It was nothing."

He huffed. "If it was nothing, then it wouldn't have made you so mad."

Teyla's heart sped up in her chest, but she forced her voice to remain level as she said, "I should not have said anything. Please, forget it."

He could see how affected she was, and it bothered him. She was hiding something from him, he thought, and then remembered that he had stopped her from talking about her capture, a few weeks ago in the infirmary. Sure, they'd spoken of it in a vague, roundabout way when he'd found her in her bathroom, but he knew from experience that it wasn't enough.

Taking her hands in his, he peered into her eyes. "Teyla, you trust me, right?"

"Of course I do," she affirmed.

"Then tell me. I promise, I won't get mad or anything. I'll listen to everything you tell me."

His gaze was honest, perhaps the most sincere she had ever seen him. Slowly, she nodded and then turned to face him, drawing her legs up on the bed Indian-style. Sheppard also turned, only bending his left knee; his right leg - the more battered of the two - he let dangle off the end.

"The letters I wrote while in the Genii prison...you read them."

He nodded. "I thought maybe there was something in them that would help me understand why you were curled up on your bathroom floor."

Teyla reached under the comforter to her right and pulled something out, then set it in her lap. It was the sheaf of papers he'd returned to her, the same ones he had read through as she lay motionless on this very bed a few days before. Rifling quickly through the pile, she pulled one out and handed it to him. His eyes scanned the page as she said, "Read this one again, please."

"Teyla..."

"Please, John. It will help you understand."

Nodding, he cleared his throat. _"It is raining again, and I have discovered that if I stand..."_

"Further down," she interrupted, leaning forward to press her fingernail against a specific place on the paper.

He found the place she indicated and began again. "_I discovered last night that they know his name – they spoke it to me even as they performed their foul acts on me..." _he stopped and looked up. "Teyla, we don't have to do this."

Her gaze was hard, determined as she replied, "Keep going."

Uttering a sigh worthy of a martyr, Sheppard continued. "_...and I bit down hard on my cheek to keep from retching at the sound of his good name on their lips. It sounded like a curse, like venom spewed from a viper's fangs. I hate Them – and not even for anything they have done to me. I hate Them for daring to speak his name, for thinking they had a right to do so. Had I the strength, I would tear their tongues from their very mouths for this transgression."_

Finished, he laid the paper aside and took her hands again, startled to find that they were cold. Rubbing his thumbs over them to warm them, his mind reeled as he finally understood who it was she had been speaking of in the letters, why she had lashed out at Kavanagh for his comments.

Before he could speak, Teyla said, "I hated the Genii for speaking ill of you. While they were hurting me, they told me that you would never come for me. That the 'Great John Sheppard'" she waved her hands – her version of quotation marks, "had finally come to be less than nothing, just as they had thought."

Tears filled her eyes as she continued. "And then, Kavanagh told me how worthless he thought you were...how stupid he thought you to be, and I couldn't bear it. You have always been the one I could go to for anything. You have rescued your loved ones – and Kavanagh himself – too many times to count. To hear the Genii speak badly of you was horrible, but at least not unexpected. After all, they have never been true allies, and after their attack on Atlantis they have borne much ill will toward you. But to hear one of your own try to break you down like that..."

Now, her tears spilled over, tracking down her cheeks, choking her voice as she said, "It truly broke my heart."

The sob that escaped her lips broke him out of immobility, and as he pulled her to him, all traces of his former anger now completely gone, he murmured, "C'mere." He instantly felt her arms go around him, her fingers clutching fistfuls of his shirt as if she were afraid of being suddenly pulled away from him. Tears pricked at his own eyelids, but he blinked them away, instead pressing his cheek against the top of her head.

"It's okay," he told her, though they both knew it wasn't. He wasn't far from the truth concerning Kavanagh and his persistent snobbery; it would only be a matter of time before he had anyone who would listen breathing down Atlantis' collective necks. But at least now, he understood why she had attacked the man. He also had to admit that he was flattered that she had defended his honor, though he was quite capable of defending it himself, and he was equally impressed at the skills she had used in doing so.

"Teyla," he said then, unconsciously rubbing his jaw against her hair, "I meant to tell you earlier...I'm sorry."

Startled, she pulled back and looked up at him. "For what?"

"For not getting to you sooner. If I had, then you wouldn't have had to go through...all that stuff."

"Do not blame yourself for what they did to me. It was none of your fault. Rodney told me how hard you all searched for me, how you stayed up every night the entire time until you found the correct address to dial."

He opened his mouth to protest, but she pressed her fingers to his lips, gently.

"It was my faith in your ability to find me that kept me from going crazy in that cell, John. Though the Genii took much from me, they were never able to take that faith away. You have always been there for me, and for that I am very grateful."

He lightly grasped her fingers and lowered them from his mouth, twining them with his own. "I just wish I could've gotten to you sooner."

She nodded, a small smile lighting her features. "I know you do. But I hold no malice toward you because of it. All that matters is that you found me, and I am safe back here, in my home."

"_My_ home, you mean," he said playfully. "I was here first."

She grinned at the tone of his voice, at the sudden image of him sticking his tongue out, like a little boy. "Yes, you were. But Atlantis has been my home ever since I joined your team. You and Rodney and Ronon, and others, have become more than my friends. You are all my family."

"Like, sister-and-brother family, or distant cousins through marriage?" Sheppard asked, wincing. "Because if any of us happen to get together, it could get a little weird."

She turned to give him her trademark lifted eyebrow. "Just who do you think might 'get together', John?"

Fighting the blush that crept up his neck to his ears, he tried to shrug nonchalantly. "I dunno. You and Ronon, maybe?"

A sparkling laugh bubbled from her, and she shook her head. "I do not think so. Out of all of you, Ronon is the one who seems closest to a brother to me."

"Okay, then what about Rodney?" He asked, and again she laughed.

"I respect Rodney for his brilliance, but I am afraid that all his scientific terms and explanations would become quite tiresome. Though I must admit that he is fairly handsome, in his own right."

"Really?" Sheppard made a show of stroking his chin in thought. "So there's still a possibility there, then?"

Playing along, she shrugged. "Perhaps, but my heart has been set on another man for quite some time now. If he proves not to return my favor, then I may explore my feelings for Dr. McKay."

"Another man, huh? Do I know 'im? 'Cause if he thinks..."

Sheppard's comment was cut off by Samantha Carter's voice in his ear.

"Colonel Sheppard, could you please join me in my office?"

He shot an apologetic look at Teyla as he asked, "Right now?"

"Right now."

_Sounded serious_. He nodded, even though he knew Sam couldn't see him. "Okay." After clicking off his radio, he slid off Teyla's bed and stood up. "I gotta run. But before I go, you gotta swear to me you won't beat anyone else up. Unless they really, really deserve it."

"I swear," she replied, her face serious.

He studied her for a moment, then decided she was being totally honest. "Good. I'll see you later for dinner."

"Yes, you will."

He stepped into the hall and gave her a final wave, and she suddenly felt an unbelievably strong impulse to run after him, to beg him not to leave her alone. She fought the urge, forced herself to stay rooted to her spot by telling herself that he would think her childish if she did as she desired. By the time her panic won over and got her feet moving into the corridor, the door to the transporter was just sliding closed.

Choking back an unbidden sob, she rushed back into her room and closed the door.

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><p><em>TBC...<em>


	8. Chapter 8

_AN: Sorry it took me a few days to get this up. A line I put in near the end stumped me as to what to do next, so I had to sit and think about it for a bit. LOL Hope you enjoy!_

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><p><em>Numb<em>

_Chapter 8_

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><p>Samantha Carter sat in her office, her hands steepled in front of her as she waited for Sheppard. Before her lay a file, open and also waiting on her desk. Glancing at her watch, she huffed out a sigh just as Sheppard swung into the room.<p>

"Sorry to keep you waiting," he apologized as he flopped into the chair across from her. "I was ambushed by McKay in the hall. Wanted me to play lightswitch again."

She nodded. "That's all right. I wasn't really waiting that long."

"So what's up?" Sheppard asked, having already caught sight of the open file on her desk. A nervous pit settled into his stomach. "I spoke to Teyla about what happened..."

"This isn't about that, John," Sam interrupted with a shake of her blond ponytail. Then, she amended, "Well, it _is_, but not about Teyla."

Turning his head and narrowing his gaze, he said, "It's not?"

"No. It's about Kavanagh."

Sheppard sighed. He'd be only too happy to never hear that name again. "What about him? He causing trouble already?"

"Not exactly." She slid the folder across the desk to him. Glancing down, he quickly scanned the page and then looked back up at her in surprise, as she explained, "General O'Neill e-mailed this to me. Seems that Dr. Kavanagh has made quite a career out of driving people mad. Especially those in command positions."

Sheppard nodded. "We were under the impression – through his own words, actually – that he requested to be transferred here. But this..."

"He was sent here, as a punishment. They knew they couldn't just kick him out of the SGC, because of his big mouth and bigger ego. So they shipped him here."

"Their equivalent of sending someone to Antarctica," he quipped, and she didn't miss the sardonic grin that flashed across his face. "And now we want to kick him back to Earth, only they've already made it clear that no one wants him there."

Now it was Carter's turn to nod. "That's my dilemma."

"Any ideas?" He asked her, and she shook her head.

"That's why I called you down here. I was hoping you might have a solution."

Sheppard slid down in his chair, one leg stretched out straight and the other bent at the knee. The bent one began to jitter up and down as he thought about what to do with Kavanagh. They could send him to the Alpha site, but Sheppard would eat dirt before he made those guys – good guys, all of them – deal with the arrogant scientist. He supposed that they could keep him on board the _Daedalus,_ but as much as Caldwell raised Sheppard's hackles, he still could not find it in himself to subject the colonel to Kavanagh's attitude, either.

Out of ideas, he shook his head. "I got nothing. Besides actually sending him to the ice planet Elizabeth threatened him with, that is." He leaned forward to rest his elbows on her desk. "I say we ship him back to Earth and let them deal with him as they see fit."

"Normally I would agree, but now he knows an awful lot about Atlantis..."

Sheppard stopped her with a wave of his hand. "I'm sure they could dig out the memory device you guys took from the Galarans or something, and erase all the important parts. Look, all this comes down to one fine point. Kavanagh's worn out his welcome here, and it's time for him to go _home_. What happens to him after that, quite frankly, isn't my problem."

He gave her his usual grin and added, "Nor is it _yours_."

Sam blew out a sigh and leaned back. "I know that. But it still bothers me that we're dumping him into someone else's lap – again. I wish there was an easier way."

He shrugged. "Well, that's the thing about being 'the man'. You sometimes have to _be _'the man'; y'know, make the hard choices."

Now, she smiled at him. "Very true."

He stood up, but kept one hand resting on the edge of the desk. "Let me know when you've got all the paperwork ready, and I'll come sign off on it."

"For once," she joked. Her face turning serious, she said, "Oh, about Teyla. I understand that Kavanagh can be...challenging...for anyone to deal with, but what she did could have been very damaging to this expedition."

"I know," he replied. "And I explained that to her. Although after I found out why she did it, I can't say I blame her for it."

Curious, Sam glanced up at him. "Really?"

Sheppard nodded. "She was defending me and my 'good name'." He mimed the quotes as he spoke. "Basically, his comment flipped a switch in her brain – one that was originally flipped when the Genii had her."

"Still," Carter began, but he stopped her again, this time with only a look.

With a sigh, he sat back down. "I know, it's not becoming for a member of my team to just 'go off' like that. I get it. But I also know torture, and what she went through was more than one person should have to bear. I can't say that even one of us men could've handled it half as well as she did.

"Then, she comes back here, and with Heightmeyer gone, there's no one she can even talk to. None of the other women here can possibly grasp what she went through. Not even you."

Carter nodded silently. She'd had to endure torture before as a member of SG-1, but nothing like what the Genii had done.

"So," Sheppard continued, "we expect her to just...I don't know...grin and bear it."

He rubbed a hand through his hair and frowned deeply. "I'm just as guilty of that as anyone. I mean, I'm a guy, so right away there's an issue of me not being able to understand her – or any woman for that matter. And because I'm ridiculously stunted in expressing any kind of emotion, and just as uncomfortable with others expressing theirs, I keep shutting her down right when she's ready to talk about it. I know I do – I can see it happening – but I can't stop myself."

"Well," Sam said after a moment's silence, "it seems we both have some hard things to deal with, then."

"You said it." Sheppard checked his watch, but found he really didn't need to. His stomach growled loudly enough for Sam's mouth to turn up in a grin.

"I second that," she chuckled with a nod in the direction of his torso. "Go on to dinner, John. I'll check in with you later."

With that, Sheppard leapt out of his seat and let his long legs propel him to the door. He had nearly reached the entryway when he suddenly spun around.

"Hey, Sam," he said, and she glanced up at him, smiling as she already knew what he was going to say. "That stuff I told you about...feelings..."

"All off the record, of course," she replied.

With a grateful smile, he breathed, "Thank you," and then disappeared around the corner of the door.

Sam took a few minutes to fill out Kavanagh's transfer papers, scrawling her signature at the bottom. There was a space just below that for Sheppard's authorization, one that she knew he was all too ready to give. In just a few hours the Daedalus would arrive, bringing supplies and relief crews for the people who had been here for the past few months. And when she left again, tomorrow morning at eleven-hundred, Kavanagh would finally be leaving with her.

Tossing her pen wearily on her desk, Sam pushed her chair back and stood up. Dinner really did sound good right then.

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><p>When Sheppard walked into the mess hall, he was surprised to see Teyla sitting alone at their team table by the balcony railing. The forecast for the next few days was sunny and warm, so the mess hall crew had decided to remove the walls that separated the main room from the balcony for the entire 27 hours of Atlantis' day, making the entire place seem more like an open-air cafe than a mess hall. He liked it that way; it had the effect of loosening everyone up, getting those who normally shied away from human contact to talk to others. That was never a bad thing in Sheppard's eyes.<p>

Teyla's hands were loosely wrapped around a mug, one that was probably filled with tea. She was not one for coffee, much rather preferring the gentle fruit flavor of the best Athosian tea to the bitterness of his favorite brew. That was okay, he decided as he made his way over to her; it meant more coffee for him and McKay.

_Speaking of McKay..._

"Hey," he greeted her, sliding into the chair beside her, "where is everyone?"

Teyla looked up and smiled at him. "Hello, John. Rodney said that he was going to eat in his lab tonight – something about an important project. And Ronon is over there –" she gestured at a table a few dozen feet away "– with Amelia."

Sheppard glanced over to where she had indicated. The Satedan was indeed sitting across from Amelia Banks, the Gate room technician to whom Ronon was majorly attracted. At that moment, they were laughing about something, Ronon's hearty chuckle echoing throughout the balcony.

"I see that." He looked back at her and noticed the troubled look on her face. "I'm sure you would've been welcome to join them. Why're you here all by yourself?"

She tried a grin, but it came out wobbly and lopsided. "I decided to stay here and think about things a little."

He didn't buy it. "Teyla," he sighed, reaching across the table to lay his hand over hers. "Is everything okay?"

His hand was so warm, she longed to bring it to her cheek, to feel it pressed against her face, but she kept content with having it draped gently over her own hand. "I am worried about how my actions earlier have impacted everyone. I wish I had just walked away instead of hitting him."

"Well, you should stop worrying. The guy was just asking for it. Besides, he's got no leverage. O'Neill sent some stuff over from the SGC that basically puts the last nail in his coffin, so to speak."

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

Sheppard leaned back, but kept his hand in place. "To put it simply, Kavanagh's played this game before. Landry shipped him to the Pegasus as punishment for his antics, and now that we're sick of him, we're returning the favor."

Teyla nodded in understanding. "So when he told Elizabeth that he requested to be placed here..."

"...He flat out lied, so that he'd seem more important than he was. He was trying to make her feel bad for calling him out on his BS, that's all."

A moment's silence hung over them as she finished off the tea in her mug. Sheppard watched her, catching the slight downturn of her mouth when she swallowed. Leaning forward to let his other hand join the one covering hers, he stared into her dark eyes.

"So, what's really bothering you?"

Teyla blinked in surprise. She knew that Sheppard could be fairly observant when he wanted to be, but she had no idea that her distress was so plainly displayed on her face. Shaking her head, she said, "Too much to explain, I am afraid."

"Try me." She started to pull her hand away, but he gripped it tighter. "I'm serious, Teyla. I know you're not okay, and I wanna help. I really do. But I can only do that if you help me understand what's going on."

Realizing that he was squeezing her fingers a little too tightly, he carefully opened his hand and dropped it onto the table. Surprisingly, she settled her palm back over his, and he closed his fingers around it once more. He looked around, having noticed that it had suddenly gone quiet, and saw that nearly every table anywhere close to them was empty. Sending a prayer of thanks heavenward, he glanced back down at Teyla and grinned encouragingly at her.

"I...I do not know where to start," she admitted finally, her voice soft, almost timid.

Sheppard lifted an eyebrow. "Anywhere you want. I'm yours for as long as you need."

Though her heart skipped a beat at the "I'm yours" part, she forced herself to stay still, turning her gaze to the ocean beyond the city. The waves were a beautiful sapphire color, their caps gleaming bright white despite the orange sun sinking behind them.

"Earlier, when you left my room after our...discussion," she began, wrinkling her nose as she tried to find the right word to describe their conversation, "I had the most distressing feeling come over me. I felt that if I let you leave, to go and speak with Samantha, that something horrible would happen to me. It was as if, all of a sudden, I was very afraid to be alone. I tried to control it, to tell myself that everything was all right, but it was so strong. When I finally tried to go after you, it was too late, and so I locked myself in my room, terrified beyond words."

His eyes widened then, but he kept silent. She needed to talk, to get as much out in the open as she was comfortable with, and he was ready to make sure nothing got in the way of that.

"I do not know why this experience has affected me so profoundly. I have not been able to sleep in days, and when I do find myself drifting off, I have horrible nightmares filled with the faces of the Genii who held me prisoner, of them tearing at my clothes and beating me..."

Her tear-filled gaze pinned him to his spot. "I wish it would all just go away!"

She pulled her hand away so that she could bury her face behind both of them, her shaking shoulders mirroring the soft sobs muffled by her palms. He sat there for a moment, at first unsure of what to do. Then, he got up and pulled his chair out of the way, dropping to his knees in front of her. His hands moving to cover hers, Sheppard slowly, carefully pried her fingers away so he could see her face.

"So do I," he told her softly, his gaze so full of honesty that it was almost painful for her to see. "It's killing me to see you like this, Teyla. You're so strong...to know that something so horrible happened to you, and yet you're still trying to go on..." he swallowed and used his thumbs to brush away the tears from her cheeks. "It scares me, how hard you're fighting this. And I'm sorry I haven't been helping you fight harder."

Her tears still flowing freely down her cheeks, Teyla reached out and pushed the fingers of her right hand through his dark hair. It was even softer than it looked, and though it was full of cowlicks, the strands whispered through her fingertips like fine silk. She let her hand drag all the way down to his neck, where it rested against the collar of his black t-shirt.

"It is all right," she finally said, taking the tissue he'd magically produced and wiping at her eyes. "It must be very hard for you, trying to deal with my shifting moods and...sudden outbursts. I am sorry that I did not openly discuss this with you sooner."

Sheppard managed his lopsided grin. "I'm sorry I didn't let you. I was..." he winced before continuing, "...scared...to hear you talk about it."

Her eyes widened, and she playfully asked, "You? Afraid?"

"Ha ha," he muttered half-seriously, standing up and brushing off his knees. As he reached down to take her hand and pull her up on her feet, he said, "Honestly, though, yeah. I was afraid that I would say the wrong thing, that I'd react in some way other than what you needed from me. You'd already been through enough; I didn't wanna make it worse."

"You could not have done so," she told him. "Still, if it will help, you are forgiven."

"Thank you," he said with a nod, and she returned it with a soft smile.

They walked side-by-side out of the mess hall and had just made it into the hallway when a throng of people suddenly surrounded them, rushing in both directions as they headed to their destinations. Sheppard protectively grabbed Teyla around the waist and steered both of them to the nearest wall, where they pressed as flat as possible until the crowd thinned out. When they were alone again, Sheppard turned to her and grinned.

"That felt a lot like high school all over again."

She raised an eyebrow. "High school?"

"It's...um...a building where teenagers go for education. More often than not, it's also chock-full of drama, nerds getting stuffed in lockers, jocks getting all the girls." As her eyebrow traveled higher, he said, "Know what? Never mind. So, where to next?"

She shrugged one slender shoulder. "I _was_ planning on a quiet night in my quarters. But I have decided that I really do not wish to be alone right now."

"Wanna watch a movie in my room? I added a whole bunch of new ones to my collection," he said, tempting her. He knew how much she loved popcorn, and he had recently discovered that she also shared his affinity for action movies. Coincidentally, the DVD's he'd just gotten off the Daedalus were all complete guy-movies – full of explosions, guns, and everything else guys loved. He mentally crossed his fingers as he waited for her answer.

He needn't have worried. Slipping her hand into his, Teyla nodded enthusiastically. "I would love nothing more."

"Good," Sheppard replied as they made their way to his quarters, "'Cause I think you're really gonna like the newest one. It's called 'The Expendables'. Lots of guns and bombs."

Her smile grew considerably wider. "That sounds thrilling! You do have popcorn, still, right?"

They stopped in front of his door, where he waved his hand over the controls and then stood aside, gesturing for her to enter first.

As he followed her inside, he chuckled and said, "Tons."

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><p><em>TBC...<em>


	9. Chapter 9

_Numb_

_Chapter 9_

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><p>The lights in Sheppard's room were all off, the glow from the television their only illumination. He and Teyla were seated on the floor in front of the bed, a pad made of thick blankets spread under them to cushion them from the cold marble. A huge bowl of extra butter popcorn, only half-eaten, rested on Teyla's lap, and a six-pack of soda that was now missing two cans sat on a nearby table.<p>

Since Sheppard knew they were both off-duty the following day, he had decided to start them off with an older movie – "Die Hard". Teyla had immediately noticed the parallel between himself and the main character, recalling the way he had single-handedly defended Atlantis from the Genii, and during a terrible storm that threatened to destroy them all, as well. She gently poked fun at Sheppard about it as the credits rolled by, telling him that she "would rather not see _that_ sequel." He had laughed and told her he agreed with her. That was all he said aloud, but inwardly, the line of thought continued. He hated being thought of as a hero. Heroes always won in the end, saving people from certain doom and getting the bad guy. After all the people he'd lost, he didn't really think he deserved that title. And he didn't think many of his superiors in the Air Force would think so, either.

Now, as promised, they had moved on to watching "The Expendables", and were about halfway through. At an unusually quiet part in the movie, Sheppard turned to look at Teyla and found he could barely breathe. Her long copper hair framed her face perfectly, its gentle waves shining in the light from the movie, and her lips were turned up in an excited smile as she glued all her attention on the TV. Her eyes, so dark and wide, were full of wonder, making his heart soar with pride at having chosen this particular movie. She was always beautiful to him, but now she looked positively stunning. Suddenly feeling bold, he decided to skip the awkward "yawn-and-stretch" method, and simply slipped his arm around her shoulders. His heart beat faster when she looked up at him in silent question, then smiled and snuggled into him, her head lying on his collarbone.

"Enjoying the movie?" He asked against her ear, and she nodded.

"Very much. Thank you for inviting me."

"You don't need an invitation, y'know. You're welcome here anytime."

Though it was fairly dark, he could see the hint of a blush rising to her cheeks, and she ducked her head a little. Then, she said, "The popcorn is very good. Is it a new kind?"

Sheppard grinned at the sudden change of subject but still replied, "Yep. It's my favorite brand."

"You chose well. Its flavor is absolutely delicious – and probably very unhealthy, as well."

"Probably. But that's the whole point of extra butter popcorn. All that salt and butter keeps you licking your fingers."

She reflexively looked down at her hands, then back up at the TV with a frown. "My fingers do not seem to have anything on them."

He also glanced down and saw she was right. There was a tiny bit of butter swiped across one knuckle, but other than that, her hands were clean. With a shrug, he said, "Well, I guess it's different for Athosian princesses, then."

She laughed out loud then, the sound light and musical to his ears. Soon, she was laughing hysterically, her arms curling around her stomach and her knees drawing up to her chest, and as a result she lost her balance and ended up falling against him. Her head rested lower on his chest, and her elbow dug painfully into his hip, but he couldn't have been happier. He always delighted in seeing her smile; to have made her actually laugh was almost like hitting the jackpot. Sheppard couldn't help but chuckle along with her.

Finally, she calmed down. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she sat up and apologized for poking him with her elbow.

"That must have hurt," she groaned contritely.

"It's okay," he assured her as she snuggled back into her former position, her head tucked into his neck. He curled his arm back around her, his fingers absently drawing circles on her shoulder, and she pressed tighter against him in response. Immediately his heart again started to hammer away, and he was forced to close his eyes for a few moments as he inhaled her flowery scent. Being this close to her, taking in her very essence was driving him crazy again. _But this time_, he thought, _it's a good kind of crazy._

His heart ratcheted up even more when she turned her face to look up at him, her dark eyes wide, her pupils huge in the darkness of his room. Her lips looked so soft, her cheeks still flushed from her laughter; he could feel his restraint slowly slipping away with each breath.

Before he could change his mind, Sheppard leaned his head down and gently pressed his lips to hers, the entire time preparing himself for the possibility that she would pull away, but surprisingly, she did the opposite. Bringing her arm up, she looped it around his neck and carefully shifted so that he would not have to bend so far down to reach her. Now her scent was fully intoxicating, filling his head and dragging him farther away from his sense of control. He slid his hands into her hair, keeping her close, and slowly ran his tongue across her lower lip. She made a contented noise in her throat and closed her eyes, but opened them again when Sheppard chuckled.

"What?" She asked as he pulled back for a moment.

"I think I found out where all that extra butter and salt went," he replied, leaning down to swipe his lips across hers once more. "Tastes pretty good."

Her eyebrow lifted seemingly of its own accord. "Then we Athosian princesses are not immune to it, after all." Her voice now more husky, she asked, "Does that make you happy, John?"

"You have no idea," he told her before kissing her again, this time feeling the heat between them rise up a notch. His body begged him to stop holding back, to lose control, but he forced himself to keep this pace. There was no telling what could trigger a flashback from her ordeal, but he had an idea that just grabbing her and going full-tilt on her could be one of those things.

When they finally paused for breath, Teyla again ran her hand through his hair, letting her nails lightly drag against his scalp, and he shivered in pleasure at the sensation. She smiled up at him, her eyes mirroring the happiness on her lips.

"What?" He asked.

"You asked me before if you knew the man on whom I had my heart set. Do you remember?"

He nodded, and her arm gently squeezed his neck tighter, just for a moment.

"It was you," she whispered, still smiling. "It has always been you, since I joined you here on Atlantis."

Rather than reply, as he knew that anything he said would come out stuttered – and probably sound wrong, anyway – Sheppard crushed her against him again, his mouth kissing her with all the passion he held in his heart. He could only hope that she understood, that she knew what he wanted to say, but couldn't.

By the way she was kissing him back, he guessed that she did.

There was a loud explosion on the screen then, and it surprised Teyla so that she jumped, pulling back from him. When she realized it wasn't real, she blushed in embarrassment, and Sheppard thought that was too cute. As was the wrinkled nose she gave him when he chuckled at her.

"Very funny, John," she said playfully as she nudged him with her elbow.

"Can't help it," he replied, grinning and nudging her back. "You make the most adorable faces."

"You have a favorite, then?"

She rose up onto her knees and turned around to face him, her hands planted on either side of his chest as he nodded in reply, though his smile was more lust-filled than joyful. Once more tangling his hands in her hair, he said, "But I'm sure there's a few more I haven't seen. Yet."

Cocking her head to the side, she made a humming noise and reached out to play with the dog tags that had escaped his shirt. "Perhaps you will. Some day."

Sheppard let his head lean back against his bed, content to allow her to keep going for a while. A few moments later, he felt her hands timidly slide under his shirt, her warm fingertips brushing against the skin of his abdomen, and he stilled them by placing his own hands on top of them, the fabric of his t-shirt trapped between them. She looked up at him, confused, wondering if she had done something wrong, but he did not seem upset. Rather, he had a soft smile on his lips.

"I just..." he began, then let out a shaky breath and tried again. "I need to tell you something."

Still a little nervous, she nodded silently.

"Ok. So, you know that I would do anything for you. That I would give...I'd die for you, Teyla."

Teyla nodded. "You have said as much before, when we were going to rescue Ronon from the Wraith. You told me that we – Ronon, Rodney and I – were your family, and you would do whatever you could to keep us safe."

"No," he said, but then quickly amended, "well, yeah, and I meant that. I really did. But I mean it even more with you. If you asked me to go to the deepest part of the ocean and bring you back a – I dunno – a flower, I wouldn't come back up until I found one. Anything you ever want or need, you only have to ask, and I'll do it or die trying, just because it's for you."

Touched beyond words, Teyla drew her hands out from under his shirt and pressed them to the sides of his face, then leaned forward and closed her eyes as her forehead touched his. Sheppard also closed his eyes, gathering all his courage to say what was on the tip of his tongue. Gently, his hands pulled her back so that he could gaze at her face, and he took in a deep breath.

"I love you, Teyla."

For a moment, she only stared at him, her eyes wide with shock. He started to get nervous, his mind berating him for sounding so stupid, but then she smiled, and it was as bright as the sun Lantea was currently orbiting.

Softly, her voice little above a whisper, she replied, "And I love you, John. More than anyone I have ever known."

Any apprehension he had felt instantly died away, and he sighed in the back of his throat as now she pressed her mouth upon his, her tongue darting out to push against his full bottom lip. Sheppard's hand felt around on the floor for the TV remote, accidentally knocking over the bowl of popcorn, but his fingers soon closed around the object he had been searching for. Raising his arm level with the screen, he hit the power button.

The TV switched off, leaving them in complete darkness.

That was just fine with him. He didn't need to see anymore, anyway.

* * *

><p><em>The End...maybe.<em>


End file.
